Mr. Facebook

I am the awesomest. Don't believe me? Friend request me on Facebook and you'll instantly be cooler, if I accept it that is. I already have 3000 friends, why do I need you? You probably just want to jack my swag. Did you see all those girls I was with in my profile pic? You wish you were there, I know. What school did I go to? School of Hard Knocks. Where do I work? None of your business stalker. I don't have a Facebook page because I want people to know stuff about me. I'm so sick of these stalkers! If you don't know me please stay off of my page. It's only there for my 3000 friends. Snooki just accepted my friend request, did you see that! She wants it. Status update: Just left the gym, my legs are too big for my jeans. "Like" my own status, because I want you to know I endorse it. Favorite books: "don't you hate it when you're lying down and your phone ninja flips out of your hands and smacks your face". People who inspire you: the Situation and Jesus. Like my status if you think I should change my profile pic to a pic of my abs. How did all these uglies get into my friend list? Time to unfriend some people. You shouldn’t be allowed to have a Facebook if you can't get more the one hundred friends. That's pathetic, and it's grounds for a defriending. I need to check my friend list for that. Facebook is hard. I need a Facebook assistant. Message me if you're interested. Who is getting drunk tonight? This guy! What happened last night? Like my status if you don't remember either. Yeah buddy! Status update: I'm hungry. Political views: football. Religious views: Madden. Activities: beer pong. Status update: stop signs are stupid. We shouldn't have to pay taxes. Does anyone remember the name of the fish from Ren and Stimpy? Support our troops! Tomorrow is a new day, follow your dreams and you can achieve anything. I'm sleepy, goodnight Facebook. Muddy Mud Skipper!